New Zealand does a lot of things better than America, but there are a few pieces of technology that seem to have escaped their attention.

Doorknobs, for one example. Sometimes I want to close my front door without having it automatically lock behind me. That doesn’t seem too much to ask.

Vacuum cleaners are another. They have machines that suck, but they kind of suck at sucking.

Plus — and this is the more important and baffling part — the concept of a powered rolling brush in the vacuum head assembly seems to be a completely alien concept here. So no matter how much suction you generate, nasty stuff can still be trapped in the carpet because the cleaner has no method of agitating it.

We’ve been using our predecessors’ vacuum cleaner since we moved in, which means we’ve been turning it on and pushing it around the house without it ever actually removing any dirt from the carpet, but yesterday we said Screw This Maynard and went vacuum shopping.

We spent some time looking for something with a rolling brush, but no luck. Apparently the Dyson line of vacuum cleaners have rolling brushes, but they cost somewhere around $1000 here. For a friggin’ VACUUM. Screw That, Maynard.

So while we didn’t get a vacuum with a brush, we did get something nearly as cool.

This vacuum fights crime. And grime.

Christopher Nolan totally designed this thing, I know it.